While the first two films were good, Goldfinger is
where the Bond films really take off. This one set the formula that would
define the Bond films forever: a larger-than life villain with an over-the-top
scheme; a gimmicky henchman; a girl with a ridiculously suggestive name; a
stylish car; gadgets; a pre-credits sequence that has little or nothing to do
with the main film; and a big, dramatic theme song. Most of the elements
traditionally associated with Bond films began here.
Let’s go.
We begin at some sort of refinery. Guards are wandering
around. Over the wall, a little seagull drifts along in the water. The seagull
drifts over to the water’s edge and-
Oh. That’s no seagull! It’s Bond! And he has a bird on his
head! So, a bit of a shift in tone since From Russia with Love. Bond
climbs over the wall, knocks a guard out, and quickly finds his way into one of
the large structures nearby. He conveniently finds several drums of highly
explosive stuff, neatly lined up. To these, he applies plastic explosives. He
sets a timer on the explosives, and then gets the hell out. Jumping over a
wall, he strips off his wetsuit to reveal:
Naturally, he has his tux on under the suit. But of course.
He wanders into a small bar, observes a dancer jiggling her bits, casually
lights a cigarette, and then waits for the seconds to tick down until the
refinery next door explodes. This paragraph contains basically all you need to
know about James Bond.
As the place explodes and people panic and rush out, Bond
wanders over to the bar to chat with some guy, presumably his contact. We get a
few lines of dialogue that explain what Bond’s doing here: the refinery is a
drug manufacturing plant, and Bond was tasked with destroying it. Which he has
just done, with much gusto. Bond is due to leave for Miami shortly, but first
he has some “unfinished business” to attend to.
Needless to say, the “unfinished business” involves gettin’
busy with a lady. He enters Bonita (the dancer)’s room as she is taking a bath.
He doesn’t even bother trying to chat her up, he just waits for her to get out
of the bath and begins getting it on. Bonita complains about his gun, so he
takes of the holster and leaves it hanging beside the bath. Then, he gets right
back to the romancing.
Behind his back, however, a dude emerges, wielding a cosh.
He approaches Bond from behind. Fortunately, Bond is looking into Bonita’s
eyes, and sees:
My word! Bond acts quickly. Ever the gentleman, he whirls
Bonita round so she takes the hit, and then lets her drop to the ground. Bond
and the thug engage in a fistfight, culminating in Bond throwing the thug into
the bathtub. The mook sees Bond’s Walther within reach, and grabs it. As he is
taking aim, Bond sees an electric heater, and weaponises it.
With a horrible scream, the bad guy is electrocuted. Bond
picks up his gun and reholsters it. He casually dons his jacket and remarks:
“Shocking. Positively shocking.”
So saying, he exits the room.
So, to recap, in the first five minutes of the film, Bond:
blows up a building; romances a lady; fights off a bad guy; and then casually delivers
a one-liner. Now do you see why this film is awesome? And it’s about to get
even better, as we cut to one of the best theme songs for anything, ever:
Whenever people think of a Bond theme, chances are, Shirley Bassey performing Goldfinger is
what they think of. One of the most famous Bond songs, she belts it out while
images from the film (and, for some reason, a shot of Bond being chased by the
helicopter in From Russia with Love) are projected onto naked women
covered in gold paint. Hells yes. This is how you open a film!
Incidentally, here’s a fun mental image for you: according
to Dame Shirley, when she was performing the song, she found her bra to be a
bit restrictive. So as she was singing, she stripped off and let it all hang
out. Depending on who you are, that mental image will either add to the song or
make it much worse. Enjoy!
After the credits end, we open on a plane that’s trailing a
banner with the words “Welcome to Miami Beach” on it. Thanks, plane! Now we
know where we are!
After a few establishing shots, we focus on this guy:
Don’t recognise him? This is Felix Leiter, played this time
by Cec Linder. This version of Felix is pretty rubbish compared to the one in Dr
No, sadly. But anyways. Leiter finds Bond relaxing at the poolside of a big
hotel. And by relaxing, I mean getting a massage off a scantily-clad girl. Were
you expecting anything less?
Bond greets Felix and shoos the masseuse, Dink, away. Leiter
informs Bond of his next assignment: he’s to keep an eye on a certain
individual staying at the hotel, a Mr Auric Goldfinger. Hey, that’s like the
title of the film!
Apparently, Mr Goldfinger is a big international businessman.
The CIA believe he’s up to no good, but can’t find any evidence to prove it. So
it’s up to Bond to do a little spying.
Goldfinger himself arrives. According to Leiter, he’s been
playing a regular game of gin rummy
with a guy called Simmons all week – and winning every time. Goldfinger
requests his usual seat, facing the hotel – something about a suntan – and
settles down to play.
Leiter, having fulfilled his purpose, wanders off. Bond
observes Goldfinger for a moment. Goldfinger appears to be using a hearing aid.
That, coupled with his insistence on a particular seat, has aroused Bond’s suspicions.
He goes into the hotel and ascends to Goldfinger’s room. He enlists the help of
a maid (by which I mean he practically drags her over to the door in spite of
her protestations) and enters. And what do you think he’ll find inside? If you
guessed “semi-naked woman”, congratulations!
A girl, who just so happens to be lounging around in her
underwear for no discernible reason, is watching the card game through a pair
of binoculars. She’s using a radio to relay information to Goldfinger, allowing
him to win every game.
Bond, of course, decides to interrupt. He switches the radio
off, startling the girl. “Who are you?” she demands.
“Bond. James Bond.”
Down below, Goldfinger is getting slightly concerned at the
sudden loss of communication. He panics and makes a bad move. Bond leans down
to get a look through the binoculars, which conveniently puts his head
perilously close to the girl’s bosom.
The girl introduces herself as Jill Masterson. She tells
Bond that Goldfinger cheats because he likes to win. She participates because
he pays her to do so, and for being seen with him. “Just seen?” Bond asks.
“Just seen,” Jill replies. Bond is relieved. He decides to
have a little fun with Goldfinger. Turning the radio back on, he startles Goldfinger
and threatens to call the police if he doesn’t play along. Bond orders
Goldfinger to start losing heavily. Goldfinger, clearly displeased, does so.
He expresses his frustration by snapping his pencil in half.
Bond decides to leave him to it, since he has been in the presence of a
nearly-naked woman for almost two minutes without romancing her. He corrects
that immediately.
Later, having brought Jill to his room with the promise of
dinner, they now appear to be having “dessert”. They are interrupted, however,
by the phone ringing. It’s Leiter. He invites Bond out for a meal, but Bond
tells him he can’t, as “something big’s come up”. Oh, grow up, 007!
He instead suggests breakfast with Leiter, and hangs up so
he can get back to Jill. He produces a bottle of champagne from beside the bed,
but is dismayed to find that it’s warmed up. He heads to the fridge to get a
cold one. Jill asks him why he needs to, and he replies:
“My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done.
Such as drinking Dom Perignon ’53 above the temperature of 38 degrees
Fahrenheit. That’s as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.”
Ah, Bond, effortlessly combining snobbery with a dig at pop
culture. I’m sure the Beatles didn’t mind, though. I mean, it’s not like one of
them is going to sing a Bond theme in the future, or anything.
Anyways, Bond opens the fridge, muttering something to
himself about “passion juice”. I sincerely hope he’s referring to the
champagne. As he’s searching for it, a mysterious figure comes up behind him
and delivers a judo chop to his neck, rendering him unconscious. The figure
departs, and all we see of him is a shadow, showing that he wears a bowler hat.
After having been out cold for an unknown length of time, Bond
comes to. He stumbles into the bedroom to look for Jill. You probably already
know what happens next, as it’s the most famous image associated with the film:
Yup, Jill is dead. And not only that, but she’s covered in
paint. Gold paint.
Back to London. M is debriefing Bond on Jill’s death.
According to Bond, Jill died of skin suffocation. The gold paint didn’t allow
her body to breathe, killing her. Okay. Let me just consult an expert…
Oh, sorry Bond. You’ve been Busted. You don’t actually die
if covered in paint. This is because, strange as it may seem, you don’t breathe
through your skin, but through your nose and mouth. Wow, imagine that!
Bond makes it clear that he knows that Jill’s death was a
message, and the gold makes it evident who that message is from. M warns Bond
not to go off on a personal revenge mission. I’m sure Bond will take that
advice to heart and never attempt anything like that at any point in the
future.
Bond agrees to continue spying on Goldfinger, but he is
curious as to why Goldfinger is under surveillance. M tells Bond to join him
for dinner that evening. Bond exits, stopping only to flirt with Moneypenny as
per usual.
Bond and M, as it turns out, are dining at the Bank of
England, in a very fancy room. Their host is Colonel Smithers, the chairman of
the Bank. He likens the Bank to Fort Knox in Kentucky, USA, which I’m sure
won’t be in any way plot relevant.
Smithers gives a brief lecture on economic theory and the
nature of gold, which is a bit dull. To cut a long story short, they suspect
Goldfinger is smuggling gold out of the country, which is damaging the British
economy. They want Bond to find evidence to prove this theory. Bond decides
it’s time to meet Goldfinger, but he’ll need some sort of bait. Smithers
provides him with a suitable one:
A solid gold ingot. That should definitely pique
Goldfinger’s interest! M tells Bond he can collect it from Q Branch.
Ah, Q Branch. A standard for the films to come, this is the
first time we see inside Q’s lab, and see all the gadgets and weapons he is
developing, which range from clever to silly depending on the tone of the film.
Here, for instance, we see a parking meter which expels gas (which surely would
encourage people not to use the meter) and a bullet-proof overcoat
(allowing you to be shot and keep dry at the same time). Those aren’t for Bond
though; but this is:
The Aston Martin DB5. It’s sleek, it’s sexy, and is
sometimes referred to as The Most Famous Car in the World, because of its
appearance here. It is the Bond car, and set the bar high for all that
followed. Bond will drive many other Astons in the future, and the DB5 itself
will crop up occasionally as well.
Of course, the Aston comes with a few “modifications”. These
include a bulletproof windshield and mirrors, revolving licence plates, a
tracking device and the means to follow it via a dashboard display (basically,
in-car GPS before it was cool), the ability to deploy both a smokescreen and an
oil slick, a rear bulletproof screen, and forward-firing machine guns. Sweet
Jesus, that’s a lot of gadgets in one car. And as you might expect, Bond will
be using each and every one of them at some point. Oh yeah, and there’s this
too:
A little red button, concealed inside the gearstick. Q warns
Bond not to touch it. Why not? Because it engages the passenger ejector seat,
of course! Bond thinks he’s joking, but Q tells him, “I never joke about my
work, 007” with a completely straight face. Awesome.
So Bond’s got his gadgets, and he’s got the bait as well. It’s
time to meet Mr Auric Goldfinger.
